I'm Gonna Lover Her For Both Of Us
by Sevi Snape
Summary: Severus finds the only true love in his life but he has to pay a price. What is it he must pay? And who does he love?


I'm Gonna Love Her For Both of Us

I used to see it everyday. She would get worn down more and more. Eventually she was like a corpse. Dead to her surroundings and dead in her own right. The sparkle of her not so distant youth was gone. She used to be so energetic and enthusiastic. She was even a year ago she was still like that. At the beginning she was the best teacher we had. The kids loved her and then she got more and more worn out. At first we thought it was the job. We lightened the work load, took some of her classes for her and still it got worse. It seemed to be the more she was at home with him the more her life force was sucked. Yes I think that's what it was, her life force. She used to be full of life and now she seemed dead. Oh she was still moving and talking, but she wasn't 'living.'

She was the brightest Hogwarts had ever seen. She was the women that through not even knowing or trying had made me love her. Yes she had even warmed this old heart of mine. Even I, Severus Snape, had fallen victim to her. That wonderful woman, Hermione Weasly nee Granger.

_I can't stand to see it no more  
The way you were living with a goddess but you treated her like a slave  
And you can't hold her back anymore  
She's like a dreamer in a dungeon or an angel in a cave_

She had married Ron two years after they left school. Soon after that she came back to teach transfiguration after Minerva left. I dreaded it at first. I mean I hadn't been her favorite teacher or indeed she my favorite pupil. I know how people hold grudges. But all was well when she started. I made an effort to be nice and found she was now a mature and modest young woman. Also she was intoxicating and intelligent, two qualities that made her amazing in my mind. 

She came to the school with big ideas for change and different teaching methods. She won over the students and for the first time it was one of the favorite subjects. The way she did it was changing everything from the flavors of Bertie Botts beans to turning chairs into puppies. The girls adored her as she taught them a spell to dye their hair, and all the boys had a crush on her. 

She was so happy to begin with. Her idyllic way of teaching seemed to work. Life was like a dream come true for her. Then it started to happen. Some days she would come in tired and troubled. It didn't happen very often so nobody thought too much about it. But one day it got too much for her. She needed to talk or burst. I remember sitting there in the staff room when she walked in. her face was drawn and her brow furrowed.

**Flashback**

"Are you ok?" I asked seeing her pained expression.

"Erm yeah it's just a head ache" she says, the expression not changing. 

She walks over to the coffee pot and suddenly grabs the edge of the table, trying to steady herself. Instinctively I jump up and hold her to stop her falling. Without thinking I pick her up and carry her over to the plush sofa and conjure a glass of water for her. 

"Here you are." I say as she takes the glass and drinks it gratefully.

"Now are you going to tell me what's wrong?" I ask.

"There's nothing wrong really I just don't feel too well. Just a bit tired." She says as if I'm a nagging grandparent.

"Hermione I can tell you haven't slept in days, probably even weeks. You don't eat that much and you collapse. That doesn't sound like nothing to me. That sounds like stress." I say and take the glass from her.

**End Flashback**

That was where our friendship started. She told me what was wrong. Everything about her awful marriage and Ron's drinking problem and her father's illness poured out. I just sat there and listened to her. She didn't need someone to talk to; she needed someone to talk at. Luckily I myself had never been one for talking if I could help it. Pretty soon we used to talk most nights. She'd knock on my chambers and then we'd sit for hours talking by the fire or in the three broomsticks. She didn't stop looking so worried and ill but at least she was stronger for being able to talk about it. She had let me in and she knew she now had someone to back her up when she needed support.

_And she's been closer to me now than any other girl  
And you know that what I'm saying is true  
You're gonna break her up and tear her down and fade her away  
And then there's no telling what I'm gonna do  
I'll make you pay for everything that you do_

I knew from the first time I heard about Ron's drinking problem it wasn't good. He had been the perfect model husband. Strong and handsome. Supportive and kind. She had a great job and everything seemed to be perfect. But this soon went. He was called to fight for the resistance not long after marrying Hermione and he went. He and Harry fought together. But then during the final battle Harry had died at the hands of Voldemort. Voldemort had taken Hermione hostage as a lure to get Harry to come and save her. Harry did save her but he died before the eyes of his friends. He and Voldemort were locked again by their wands. They were enclosed in a ball of magic and the battle had been fierce. Harry knew neither would come out alive and knew it was the only way to get rid of Voldemort forever. He broke the connection and rolled forward and stabbed Voldemort in the side with a knife and grabbed his wand. But Voldemort grabbed at Harry and used Harry's own wand to kill him before he himself fell to the mortal death he had always dreaded. 

After that Ron blamed Hermione for the death of his friend. He still loved her but he couldn't see how it wasn't her fault. The drinking started after that. He would come home drunk and violent, picking fights about anything and always bringing up the fact that Harry would be alive if it wasn't for her. I found out that he used to hit her. Around the head but never on her face or anywhere that could be seen. That in itself was hard for her to deal with but there was more to deal with.

Her father was taken seriously ill. He was rushed into hospital after collapsing in work. After the examination they discovered it to be a brain tumor. They said it was far too advanced for them to be able to do much. They could try operating but that could be more of a risk as the tumor was so advanced and deep in his brain. Hermione had tried everything from magic to natural cures but nothing helped. For once she had come up against something that she couldn't overcome and she took it hard. 3 months later he was dead.

She refused to take time off work but she badly needed it. Countless times I waked into the common room to the sounds off her sobbing into a glass of something. To me it looked like vodka but I couldn't accuse her or blame her for that. She was in a bad state. She still is. It's about 3 weeks after the death of her father and I still see her disintegrating.

**Present**

"Evening Severus! Do you have the 5th year's progress reports? The ones for Hufflepuff?" asks Chloe Sprout before my foot is even through the door. 

"Yes Chloe, on my desk but I have several to finish writing. It's getting harder to find new ways of insulting them." I say with a sarcastic smile. "I will have them to you by morning."

"Not very funny Severus." She tuts as she leaves. 

I walk over to the staff bulletin.

"Ahh Severus just chap!" says a voice from near my waist.

"Yes Filious?" I reply as I pick up today's news.

"I was wondering if you had any speed up spritzer? I wanted to teach the slowing charm to the 3rd years but I would rather use your potion than cast 2 charms on them."

"Yes I'm sure I have some left in my cupboard." I say as I pick up a cup of coffee.

I finally get to sit down and read the blasted news. Nothing spectacular in it. The annual Quidditch open match that's this weekend, Slytherin versus Gryffindor. That's always a tense match.

"Hello Severus. Have a good day?" Says a voice from above me.

"Hermione, sit down. Would you like a drink?" I ask.

"A stiff drink I think." She laughs nervously.

"You look tired, would you like me to take over some of your lessons tomorrow?" I say as I summon a cup of tea for her.

"Thank you." she says as she takes the glass, "I couldn't do that Severus let you take the glass I mean. I'll be fine after a goods nights sleep." 

She drinks the tea and relaxes into the chair. Moments later she is asleep.

I take her to my room to let her sleep uninterrupted. I know that her rooms are right next to Gryffindor tower and they are rowdy all day and night. Now my secluded rooms in the dungeons are well hidden and much more peaceful.

_But if you give me your girl, and then she gives me her trust  
And if she gives me till the end of the night  
I'm gonna love her for both of us_

"Severus?" Hermione asks sleepily and bewildered.

"Yes?" I call from my bathroom.

"Oh good for a moment then I thought I had been kidnapped." She laughs.

Her laughs were still strained as if she felt she shouldn't be laughing. 

"Erm why am I here though? Why not take me to my own rooms?" she asks sitting on the edge of the bed and looking around my bedroom.

"Well I know how noisy your rooms are, being right next to Gryffindor tower. I thought you would sleep better in here?" I call again from the bathroom.

I emerged from the bathroom after just getting out of the shower. She giggles as she sees me. Instantly I know why. It's because I am only wearing my emerald green satin bath robe and a pair of boxing shorts. Not how she would have envisioned her former potions tutor. 

"You know you could have just put a silencing charm on my room." She smiles.

Suddenly it dawned on me that I could have done that. But then I wouldn't have a chance to talk to her would I?

"I know but I wanted to make sure you were well rested. You're going to make yourself ill. So you get back into bed and I'll go and make you a drink." I say as I walk to the door, "hot chocolate ok for you?" I ask and she nods.

Soon we are both sitting in front of the fireplace in my bedroom. The fire is blazing and she is drink hot chocolate and eating choco balls from honeydukes. I had found an old jumper for her to wear rather than her work robes and rather than trek up to her room for clothes. Or that's what I told myself. I think really I just like the thought and reality of her wearing my clothes. 

"Feeling better?" I ask as I drain the last of my drink and put the cup on the floor. 

"Yes. I don't know why but hot chocolate always make things seem better, don't you think?" she asks as I nod. 

"But I'm sure those enormous choco balls help." I say.

"Yes they do." she grins as she put her cup on the floor. "You know Severus I would never have picked you for a satin robe type of man." 

"What?" I ask laughing. "What kind of man would you have 'picked me for'?"

She looks at me thoughtfully for a moment and I can see her old glitz and happiness in her eyes.

"I don't know. Actually I can see it is very 'you'." She smiles.

I get up and walk over to her side to pick up her cup. As I bend down I can smell her perfume and feel her heat. I lift my head to look at her and find myself looking directly into her eyes. Neither of us move for a moment. A moment that last forever. Slowly I find myself leaning toward her as she moves towards me. The moment our lips touch it's like electricity. My whole body becomes raw with passion and I want to pick her up and kiss her hard, but I don't. I let her lead. Reveling in the sensation of her tongue gently parting my lips and exploring my mouth. Her hands are in my hair and I find my hairs letting go of the cups and moving round her body to pull her towards me. 

I let my tongue savor her. She tastes of chocolate and smells of heaven. She feels so perfect in my arms, like she had always belonged there, like she was returning home. I felt complete, completely in love. We pull away and I look at her.

"Severus," she says softly.

"Shhhh." I say as I put my finger on her lips.

She smiles and leans back onto the couch with her hands still in my hair and pulls me with her. This time the kiss is more passionate. All heat and emotion. A lot of emotion. It takes me a second to realize she is crying. Scared I had hurt her I pull back.

"Hermione what's wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing. Its just no one has loved me this much. I can even tell from the way you kiss me. You love me." She cries, her tears fall on to my hand and I lift my hand to wipe them from her cheek.

"Yes Hermione I do love you. It's been hard not to tell you and want to protect you. I have seen you become more and more lifeless and all I wanted was to help." I say as I wipe another tear away.

This sends into a relapse of passionate sobs. I pick her up and hug her and carry her into my bedroom. I lie her on the bed and cover her with the blanket.

"Hermione I think you need to rest." I say as I kiss her forehead and leave.

_I'm gonna give her everything you always wanted to give  
I'm gonna love her for both of us  
I'm gonna take her every moment that she wanted to live_

I walk back into the main chamber and sit in front of the now ebbing fire. I glance at the clock to see its 3.30am. Luckily its Saturday tomorrow, I mean today,  and she won't have to get up in a few hours to teach a class. From now on I intend to make sure she doesn't strain herself. And Ron, well Ron will not get his way with her anymore. No matter how much he loves her, I love her enough for both of us.

I wake up with the sun shining across my face. Damn! I fell asleep on the couch. I get up and stretch my stiff neck and shoulders.

Quietly as I can I get up and creep through my room into the bathroom. I find Hermione in the bath when I open the door.

"Oh sorry Hermione, I didn't know you were in here!" I say as turn to leave. 

"Severus its ok." I turn to see her grinning at me from the tub full of steaming water and white foam. "Join me if you want."

I can feel myself blushing. The colour rising from my neck to my cheeks. She had asked me to share her bath? Was that a connotation? Oh Severus don't pretend to be so stupid of course it was! 

"Hermione I really don't think…" I begin but she stops me.

"Then don't, just get in." she looks at me from beneath long dark lashes with chocolaty brown eyes.

Slightly wary and intimidated I remove my clothing, letting it drop to the floor. Slowly I climb into the water, feeling the heat surround me. As soon as I am in the water Hermione moves towards me. Suddenly I find I am again in the passionate embrace and kiss that I had experienced the night before. 

That's how we spent the day, together. Just together. Whatever we did.

_I'll let her shine like a jewel in the crown of the holy sun  
You turned her into a ghost but she'll be burning when the night is done_

**The next morning**

I wake up the next morning. The sun is shining in through the small window and reflecting off her pale skin. Making her glow. She was safe here, in my arms, in my bed. Here I could protect her and love her. This is were she is going to stay. 

Already she was beginning to look better. Look more alive, look real. I had never thought just one night together, just in each others arms and the occasional kiss, could satisfy my so much. 

Slowly she turns over and opens her eyes.

"Morning," she smiles sleepily and lies her head on my arm.

"Sleep well?" I ask sarcastically, but not my usual condescending and intimidating tone. I don't feel that I could ever talk that way again, this is too good. I feel like nothing else matters except lying here with her. 

"Yes," she says lazily as she stretches out. "What time is it?"

"Oh about 10am." I say consulting my watch.

"Damn! Really? Oh shit!" she says to herself as she jumps out of the bed.

"What's wrong?" I say half expecting a reply like 'your wrong, your far too old and ugly and I shouldn't have done it.' Bit it doesn't come.

"nothing, its just I'm supposed to god out with Ron today, I mean he may be a bastard to me but eh is my husband and we usually go for a lunch and shopping on a Thursday." She says pulling her clothes on.

I feel crushed, after all the love and support and safety I show her. She still wants to go back to him.

"But Hermione he doesn't treat you right! I love you! Doesn't that count for anything?" I ask.

"Severus, you don't understand, I can't leave Ron. Not now." She says tears threatening to fall.

"Why not, if I don't understand tell me!" I demand.

"Because of you!" she shouts.

Just what I am expecting her to say.

"Because of what you are! You a turncoat I know, I have known for a long time! And what about when they find out you are? What happens then? What if you die? What do I have to live with then? Or even worse what if they kidnap me and then you try and save me and you die, another death that is my fault. I AM ALREADY LIVING WITH ONE DEATH THAT'S MY FAULT DON'T MAKE ME DO IT AGAIN!" she is shouting this at me, tears are streaming down her face and down her nose. Her face is red and she's shaking.

Getting up I put my arms around her and pull her to my chest, like a child.

"Hermione you won't have to go through it. I won't let that happen." I say stroking her hair.

"You can't promise that." He says into my chest. "just like Harry promised me he wouldn't ever leave me. He lied." She pulled away again. "HE LIED! JUST LIKE YOU ARE! HOW CAN YOU PROMISE ME SAFETY?" she shouts and suddenly she stops and tries to catch her breath. As she does she starts to sway and then faints on the floor. Beads of sweat cover her forehead and her eyes look dark because of the rings under them. 

  
   
_ You __had a chance but you blew it and you'll never get it back  
  
_

I find myself at Hermione's front door. I left her in the hospital wing. I hammer on the door several times. Eventually I hear movement from with in the house. 

"Who the hell is it?" Ron shouts from inside. "Is that you Hermione? What the fuck are you doing back so late?" he shouts as he opens the door. "oh its you." He says when he sees me. 

Taking a swig from a bottle he looks at me, his eyes trying to focus.

"What do you want?" he demands.

"I want Hermione." I say simply. "Because of you one of Hogwarts best staff is worn down and ill! Now I want you to stay away from her. If you don't I'll procure a restraining order, is that clear?" I say, the smell of alcohol begging to make me feel ill.

"What the fuck has she got to do with you? She's not your fucking wife! She's mine and I will say what she does and who she can't see ok?" he says reaching for his wand.

I get my wand first and point it at him.

"Weasly don't be so stupid you're in no condition to threaten anyone. Lower your wand and agree to what I say." I say pointing the wand at his chest.

I can hear footsteps behind me.

"Severus! Ron! Stop!" its Hermione.

Ron is already out of the door and I take a few paces back. Both our wands are still raised. Neither of us can hear Hermione's pleas. The only thing we can thin about is keeping each other away from her. 

"Weasly give it up, I would rather kill than see her miserable." I say.

"is that so, I think your actually going to die." He throws the bottle aside and the sound of smashing glass can be heard.

At exactly the same moment we shout a spell.

"Expelliarmus!" he shouts.

"Stupefy!" I shout. 

Two blinding flashes of light burst forth. Neither one reaches its intended recipient. Hermione had reached us at that moment and they had both hit her. She stops dead seemingly winded and falls to the floor. 

"NO!" I cry and fall forward to reach her.

I cradle her in my arms. There is a wound on her head and she is coughing up blood. The spells were so charged by power of our hatred for each other they have wounded her so badly I know nothing can be done to save her.

"enervate." I say pointing my wand at her, desperately hoping it would work. 

"Severus." She whispers. "I love you, you know that right?" she starts coughing and more blood appears. She takes an unsteady breath and carries on. "This sounds so clichéd." She smiles sweetly and raises a hand to stroke my face. "I feel I should be singing just a little rain." She says and as she does I realise why. It has started to rain. Like a romantically impossible film.

"Severus you have to succeed you know that? You have to carry on fighting, not just Voldemort but fighting with yourself too. Don't let my death stop you. Ok?" she says calmly and kisses my hand. 

"Hermione you can't leave me not now I have finally have you in my arms." I say.

But she can't hear me. She can't anything anymore, and she never will again.  The only thing a can do was hold her close to me. I turn to see Ron. 

"Goodbye Snape. You've just killed the only that kept me alive." He says and points his wand to his own chest.

There is a blinding flash of green light and then I hear a sickening thud. A few feet away is Ron's body as lifeless as the one in my arms. 

"Goodbye Hermione." I say as I kiss her lips and lower to the ground. 

** 5 Years later**

I'm still here and I still remember that night. I remember it like it was yesterday. Even now I still hear her voice. Usually when I am tired or stressed. I hear her soothing voice telling me she loves me and that I should go and rest. In my dreams I hear her tell me she will see me soon. When I wake and feel the coldness and emptiness of my bed I remember the few days we spent together. Tears fall from my eyes like raindrops and I can't stop them.

_When the screws are__ tightnin' and the tears are falling  
I can hear her crying out to be saved  
And like a bolt of lightning I go answer the call  
But she's singing like a siren to me over the waves  
I never wanted to take away your lover  
Until I heard her crying out to be saved  
There__ ain't no holding me down!_

Sometimes I visit her grave. It's in the Hogwarts grounds right next to the lake. Next to her favorite thinking place, a rock overlooking the water. There are many pictures depicting that view, she drew them when she sat here thinking about her life. And now it's were I can often be found thinking. I too now know what it feels like to be blamed fro someone's death. Ron's death, that's what haunts me. No said it was my fault but I know it was. He told me so himself. The last words he said, they fly round my brain and echo in my ears. And nothing like this has ever haunted me before, even after all the years as a death eater has anything affected me this badly. Maybe I should end my life too. Then I shouldn't have to think about it.

No I can't do that. Hermione asked me to go on fighting didn't she? That's what I'm going to do. Keep on fighting. Fight every step of the way. And I know I loved her enough for not just me and Ron but for everyone. I was all she needed. I was…

AN/ well that was erm interesting. I am not sure how I feel about this. Although I know the end it strange but I'll explain now. Snape is slightly insane now, I mean who wouldn't be after seeing that? And I think he is not really able to cope well.


End file.
